you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
