yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
nutella sex= disaster
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
