White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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