Please, let me fuck your mom
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
True strength comes from lack of pants
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
