She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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