i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude i'm inner monologue high
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
