i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
