my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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