please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
