Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
