I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's the barista slut.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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