your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
well you can't waste a boner
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
