My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
