I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
