i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
