I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
