I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
