If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
