ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
