Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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