He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
