You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
