You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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