worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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