what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Everclear isn't food dammit
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
