Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This baby is an asshole
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
