Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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