My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
