Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
