I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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