dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
