how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i've created a new STD.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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