So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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