Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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