Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Randomize
