It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
