You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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