A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
