If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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