With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
