You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
