That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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