Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
