I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
