Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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