And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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