worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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