i just wanna soil my oats bro
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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