Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
