Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
